Speed dating: how it works

Speed dating is seven minutes with each person, then on to the next. It sounds mechanical and in practice it's the opposite: an evening where everyone came for the same reason, nobody has to guess, and in two hours you meet more people face to face than an app gives you in two months.

Here's how an evening actually goes, what works in seven minutes, and who it isn't for.

How it works

The format is pretty much the same everywhere:

• You sign up for an evening with a specific age group — typically ranges like 25–35 or 40–55.

• There are equal numbers of each gender, so the spots are sold separately. That's why one half often sells out before the other.

• You get a number and a card. Half the group stays seated, the other half moves one seat at each signal.

• Each conversation lasts three to seven minutes, depending on the organizer.

• After each conversation, you check yes or no on your card. No one sees it.

• Afterward — usually the next day, through the organizer — you get contact details for the people where you both said yes.

So you never have to turn anyone down face to face, and nobody turns you down. That's the format's biggest advantage and the reason many people find it easier than a regular date.

What works in seven minutes

Seven minutes is shorter than it sounds. Two things decide whether someone checks yes:

Ask about something that isn't on a résumé. Everyone gets asked about their job and where they live twenty times in one evening. "What was the last thing you spent a whole weekend on?" gets remembered, because no one else asked.

Don't sell yourself. Seven minutes tempts you to lay out your best sides fast. It backfires — people remember the ones who seemed relaxed, not the ones who tried to impress.

And one practical tip: write a note on your card after each conversation. After twelve people, you won't remember who number four was. Everyone thinks they will. No one does.

The upsides of speed dating

• Everyone is there for the same reason. No doubt about intentions, no reading signals.

• You meet face to face right away. No weeks of messaging someone who turns out not to work in a room.

• Rejection is invisible. You never find out who didn't check yes.

• It's efficient. Twelve to twenty meetings in one evening. It takes months to reach that number online.

The downsides — and who it isn't for

• It's intense. Two hours of constant new small talk drains a lot of people. If you're an introvert, expect the evening to cost you the whole weekend.

• Seven minutes favors the quick. People who need time to open up don't get a fair shot. It says nothing about how they are on a real date.

• The selection is that evening's selection. If you meet twenty people and match with none, that was the evening — not you.

• It requires something happening near you. Outside the bigger cities, events are few and far between.

How to prepare

Wear normal clothes. Overdressed stands out more in a room than in a photo.

Have three questions ready. Not a script — just three you can reach for when your mind goes blank at number nine.

Eat beforehand. There's rarely time, and drinking on an empty stomach for two hours doesn't end well for anyone.

Check yes generously. A yes means "I'd like to see this person again," not "this is the one." You can always say no to a coffee afterward.

What does it cost?

Prices vary by organizer and city, and many places charge different prices for men and women because sign-ups have to balance out. Expect something in the range of a movie ticket and a drink, and always check what's included — some organizers include a welcome drink, others don't.

Speed dating FAQ

How long does a speed dating evening last?

Two to three hours including a break. The conversations themselves take up about an hour and a half.

How many people do you meet in one evening?

Usually between ten and twenty, depending on how many have signed up.

Do you find out who didn't pick you?

No. You only hear about mutual matches. That's the whole point of the card system.

Is speed dating only for young people?

No. Events are split into age groups, and the 40+ and 50+ groups are often the best attended, because the format suits people who can't be bothered with apps.

What if you don't match with anyone?

It happens, and it doesn't mean anything. You spent an evening meeting twenty people — that's still more than most people do in a month.

Is speed dating better than dating apps?

It's different. Apps give you volume and time to find your words; speed dating gives you the immediate impression apps can't deliver. Many people use both.

Next up: how to find a partner covers all the channels, First date is about the meeting that comes after the match, and Tinder alternatives covers the platforms online.