How to write a dating profile that gets replies

A good dating profile does one thing: it makes it easy to message you. Not to admire you — to message you. The most common mistake is a profile that's flawless and completely closed: five great photos and a bio that could belong to anyone. There's no way in.

Here's what works in your photos, what works in your bio, and the seven lines you should stop writing.

Photos: five is enough

The order matters more than the quality. Most people look at photos one and two and decide right there.

• 1. Your face, clearly. No sunglasses, no cap, no group. People need to be able to recognize you.

• 2. All of you. A full-length photo. Leave it out, and people assume the worst — and you lose the ones who wouldn't have cared.

• 3. You doing something. On a bike, at the stove, in the middle of a conversation. This is where the conversation starters come from.

• 4. With other people. Shows you have a life. Make sure it's obvious which one is you.

• 5. A wild card. The dog, the view, the workshop. Something that says something without words.

And one thing applies to all five: they need to be recent. A photo from 2014 when you looked better wins you a match and loses you the date. People notice the second you walk through the door.

The good Tinder photo

Same rules, with one extra: skip the gym mirror selfie as photo one. It isn't banned — it's just one of four on every single profile, and you disappear in the crowd. A regular photo taken by another person in daylight beats it every time.

The bio: specific beats charming

The best Tinder bio and the best text on any dating site follow the same principle: write something people can ask a question about.

"I love to travel" is impossible to reply to. "I've been to Albania three times and can't explain why" isn't. One is a claim, the other is a hook.

A useful three-line template:

• What you do — one line, no title race. "I teach physics" is enough.

• Something odd that's true about you — that's the line that gets replies.

• What you're looking for — one sentence, honestly. It does the sorting for you while you sleep.

Three lines is enough. People don't read nine.

A good Tinder bio: two examples

Weak: "Happy, positive guy, 34. Love to travel, good food and cozy nights in. Message me if you want to know more."

Strong: "Teach physics, bake sourdough with mixed results. Have watched every Bond movie in the wrong order and have opinions about it. Looking for something serious."

The second one isn't funnier. It's just possible to reply to in three places.

The seven lines to drop

• "Bad at writing about myself" — everyone is. Write something anyway.

• "Just ask" — that's your job, not theirs.

• "No drama please" — signals drama.

• "Must be able to handle my humor" — signals humor nobody can handle.

• Long lists of what you don't want — they read as bitterness, even when that's not the intent.

• Height and salary requirements — they filter, just not the way you think.

• "Living life to the fullest" — everyone is. Write how.

What to write if you're looking for something serious

Say it. Directly, in one sentence, without apologizing. There's a widespread fear that it scares people off, and it does — the wrong ones. That's the whole point.

"I'm looking for a relationship, not something short-term" costs you matches and saves you weeks. The math always works out.

How to test your profile

Ask a friend who knows you to read it and answer one question: could you tell it was me? If the answer is no, the profile is too generic, no matter how polished it is.

And swap out photo one after two weeks if nothing's happening. It's the single change that moves the needle most.

Frequently asked questions about dating profiles

How long should a dating profile be?

Three to five lines. Short enough to get read, long enough to say something specific. Long profiles get skimmed, not read.

How many photos should I have?

Four to six. Fewer than three feels like half a profile; more than eight won't get seen. Most important is that one is a clear shot of your face and one is full-length.

What makes a good Tinder bio?

One that includes at least one specific, odd detail people can ask a question about. Avoid generic virtues and avoid lists of requirements.

Should I use a photo with sunglasses?

Not as the first one. People want to see your eyes. Further down the lineup it's fine.

Does it work to say you're looking for something serious?

Yes. It brings fewer matches and more relevant ones. If you're after a relationship, it's the most effective line in your whole profile.

Should I use the same profile on several sites?

Use the same photos, adapt the text. The pace is different on a swipe app and on a classic dating site, and the text can be a little longer on the latter.

Once your profile is set: the first message covers what to write when you match, more matches covers the rest of the mechanics, and 35 date ideas covers what to do when you meet. Looking for the right platform? See our review of nine dating apps and sites. If you have a disability, dating with a disability covers what to write on your profile and whether to mention it; if you're over 60, see your profile after 60.